season 2, episode 25

All I can think about is dry roasted cashews. I’m almost irreparably addicted. It’s my comfort food, my stress food, my happy food, my pre-workout booster, my post-workout reward, the essence of my physical and mental well-being. Once I pop, I can’t stop. 1 necessary handful in my salad becomes 2 for dessert and 1 more just because. Banana and cashews. Salad and cashews. Eggs and cashews. Avocado and cashews. Chicken and cashews. Veggies and cashews. Cashew aperitif. Cashew digestif.

That’s how my week is going, other than being insanely busy at work and not having a lot of time for much else.

I don’t think I’m losing weight. If anything, my tummy feels bigger. I kinda can’t wait until this phase is done. I just need to be a normal person again. Besides the cashews, I’ve eaten good meals, and I’ve been incorporating veggies. I can’t wait for next week, though. First, I’m going to make a palm oil stew, which is technically not off plan, but the white rice I eat it with will be. I have sooo missed this. I envision it and I salivate. If I feel like going overboard, I’ll fry my plantains in palm oil too. Goodness! Deliciousness in my brain. Dear diet police, I feel deprived; leave me be. The weight isn’t coming off anyway, and I’m going nuts. Am I gaining weight? Am I losing weight? What can I do? What should I do? My nails are growing. My face is glowing. What does that mean? Where’s my tape measure? Are all these cashews really making me fat??!


shorts, cashews and underconfidence around 200

Sooooo I had told myself that I wouldn’t shop until I was a full size smaller. And┬áI don’t wear shorts. But I fit into size 12 shorts today. I had to squish my stomach fat and give myself a muffin top, but that can be fixed with a loose blouse. They made my butt look great, so I bought them in 2 colors. Haha. I told you guys I had lost ass mass, didn’t I? Hopefully the muffin top gets smaller and smaller but I’m going to be rocking these this summer regardless. Maybe I’ll take a pic for you guys. What I really should say is… hopefully I have somewhere to wear this stuff to. This has been the most boring summer ever. Fitting into a 12 certainly made me feel less bad about my weight yo-yoing. This 200 is really dragging me down.

During a meeting at work I made a menu for next week. Yay! It seems like my Whole30 blues are finally coming to an end. I overdid it with cashews again today, but I didn’t have much for dinner. Just a handful of dried (unsweetened) apple slices and some sparkling water. I ate the cashews around 5:30, but I apparently had enough to keep me full ­čśŽ

I still haven’t worked out this week. I keep making plans with Work Buddy but something always comes up. Sad face again. Work’s been crazy too. I really need to be better about working out. I’m not anywhere near my 4 times a week goal.

i’ve been slacking

More than once, I’ve opened up a new post and written nothing. What a shame. I don’t know. I don’t feel satisfied with this Whole30. I constantly feel that I’m not doing it right. Last week I had too many bananas. This week I’ve already had too many cashews, and it’s only Monday.

Today I had all sorts of digestion issues, bloating and heartburn and weirdly timed bowel movements. Is that TMI? I was pretty uncomfortable all day, but I thought maybe I’m actually on track with the Whole30 business. I don’t know. Do the rules apply if you’re doing 2 Whole30s pretty much back-to-back?

I conjured 2 panfuls of deliciousness in my kitchen this weekend, though! I didn’t take pictures of the unripe plantain porridge, but I will, once I put more meat in it. Here’s the shepherd’s pie.



You won’t believe how delicious it tasted. I used lamb and veal. The veal was kind of lost in the flavor of the lamb, but it was just right. Any more lamb and it would have been too much. I took some to work (yes, shepherd’s pie for breakfast; I can hear the diet police sirens wailing) and it led to conversation in the kitchen.

Do I hear you asking about the drink?? It’s my Whole30 mojito. Club soda, crushed mint leaves and about half a lime, squeezed, over ice. Shush, I know there’s no ice in the picture. It’s really a delicious drink, though, especially for my zero alcohol friends who read this. Who are also my only friends who know I waste my time on a blog that nobody reads. My non-Whole30 friends also agree that it’s delicious, by the way, so this is totally legit.

I went to the water aerobics class on Saturday!!! That was so much fun. Water must be my element, or something, because I was so happy to just be in the water. Some of the stuff was pretty difficult to do, but it was super fun. We did some stuff to Tina Turner’s “Rolling on the River”. That’s a┬áfast song. Trying to move that quickly with the resistance of the water was pretty challenging but I couldn’t convince myself that I had got a full day’s workout. When I got home I repeated the 10 – 100 workout from the other day. I did it backwards. I’m not sure that it made a difference; I was still panting like a thirsty dog.


I figured if I just left the title of this post as ’18’ it would seem like a really interesting post. You know, like 21. The movie. Ha.

Yesterday’s meals (I think I got my 5 cups in)

Breakfast: 3 scrambled eggs with onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, green+red peppers, and spinach, half avocado, 2 mini bananas, cashews.

Lunch: Cafeteria salad – kale+spring mix and the usual blah.

Snack: 2 mini banans and cashews.

Dinner: Seafood pomodoro with mixed veggies to replace the traditional pasta.

Today’s meals

Breakfast: Same eggs as yesterday with cantaloupe and watermelon.

Lunch:┬áCafeteria salad, similar to yesterday’s.

Snack: 2 small bananas.

Dinner: Seafood salad. Most disappointing salad ever. All the seafood was tasteless; you’d think it all came from a can.

The good news is I finally got my butt back in the gym today. The workout routine they’re doing this week is crazy: 10 push ups, 20 jumping jacks, 30 burpees, 40 leg raises, 50 jumping squats, 60 spider push ups, 70 mountain climbers, 80 lunges, 90 high knees, 100 seconds of planks. I can’t believe I got through it all. It took me about an hour. I just know my entire body is going to pay for this tomorrow. Supposedly they did this stuff last week too, but in 5s rather than 10s; the trainer just had to point out to me that I missed out on the prep work. He wants me to come in tomorrow to repeat this set. What a guy. I might, though, if I get my homey stuff done in time. This apartment needs an overhaul.

I also signed up in the gym with the pool. I’m going to try out an aqua HIIT class on Saturday. Haha. I can see myself being the only under 50something but I’ve always wanted to try water aerobics *shrug*. They also have aqua zumba, which I think will be better on my flat feet than regular zumba. The visual already makes me giggle.

The other goodish news is I weighed in at 196. Goodish because although my total weight loss is 18 pounds (14 on the Whole30), I’m still 6 pounds away from my first goal. I need to stop teetering around 200! 200 is like Gordon from that Sprint commercial. It just keeps forcing me to hang out with it. Get out of my framily!!!

I don’t look like I’ve lost 18 pounds. I don’t feel like I’ve lost 18 pounds.

gas, gas, gas

A good amount of gas and bloating all day. It felt pretty weird. This also happened last time. The previous glow on my face seems to just be grease now, although that might be because it’s warmer out. I’m not sure. My nails are neither breaking nor growing. I think my fingers look smaller, but nobody measures their fingers. The butt space in my jeans seems to be getting more spacious. More space, less butt. This is always my issue with losing weight. Where does my butt go? WHY does my butt go? Soon I’m not going to be able to wear pants because my waist isn’t disappearing as quickly as my butt and that look is just unflattering.

Breakfast: 3 scrambled eggs, half avocado, cashew nuts, 2 mini bananas. Those mini bananas are pretty to look at, but are sweeter than I’d prefer.

Lunch: Cafeteria salad with turkey. They don’t usually have turkey on the salad bar, so it was kind of a treat.

Snack: Carrot cup

Dinner: Grilled chicken and beef ribs, cashews, 2 mini bananas.

My goal is to add more veggies to each meal. Apparently I should have 5 cups per day, at least. I’ve been pretty mindless about that the last few days. The good news is that I’ve thought about 2 things I’d like to make this weekend. A whole30fied shepherd’s pie and a porridge with unripe plantains. I’m actually pretty stoked. For some time in the future, I’m thinking about a compliant casserole to make. Hopefully, it will be another original recipe.

day 9. trying to be better.

It was a crazy weekend. Lots of driving, not enough rest, and lots of hunger. I’ve been eating out quite a bit too. Lots of meat, not enough veggies, but sticking with the plan still. I’m hoping to cook tomorrow, because I’d like to have more control over spices and oil that I’ve had in the last few days.

Friday:┬áveggie omelette and fruit; salad; tapas for dinner (lots of meat, plus a salad). It was difficult to eat out this time. Options were really limited, sometimes only by the condiments or because I didn’t know what exactly something was. (What’s truffle oil?) I woke up with a hangover headache the next day. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wasn’t getting enough nutrients or because there may have been sugar in the seasoning. But everything is a little better with some avocado. I used to say that about wine, and about bourbon. How I miss you!

Saturday: cauliflower fried rice; 4 eggs and an avocado; lots of grilled chicken/guinea fowl and 1 grilled plantain. Dinner was at a birthday do, and I didn’t really have a “meal”. I picked on the meat throughout the time I was there, which is very un-whole30. I did stay away from the rice and corn and ribs and such, though. It was pretty hard. And there was red velvet cake and wine, although I wasn’t as tempted. The most tempting thing was probably the grilled corn.

Sunday: crab/avocado/asparagus omelette; chicken and ribs; cobb salad without bacon, blue cheese or dressing (I feel like I’ve insulted the cobb). I really felt like I was lacking veggies. The salad only had romaine. It was a really late dinner and I went to bed shortly after.

Today: veggie omelette and fruit; yummy salad with banana; snacked on another banana and almonds; bbq chicken and beef ribs from that place that barbecues without bbq sauce, plus cashews. I was really hungry throughout the day. I really have to incorporate more fat or starchy veg into breakfast.

I don’t think I’ve put as much effort into this Whole30 as I did in the last one. This past weekend I couldn’t think of one thing I wanted to cook. I got the idea to try out some porridge with unripe plantains. Not sure how the coconut oil will go, but if I do it I’ll post pics.

All in all, completely dedicated or not, I wore a peplum blouse today that was slightly loose at the waist and made the waist line quite unflattering, just hanging about weirdly.

I’m going to do better.


what does my tummy tell me?

This week has been exhausting! Is it just became of my little ice cream binge last weekend? Could that have affected me that much? It was only 3 days. And 4 Nestle drumsticks. And bread. And apple pie. And butter. And rice. I feel you losing respect for me.

Work buddy and I did the 7 minute workout┬á3 times yesterday, and it was such a chore, even worse than last week. I tired out so quickly, and was very out of breath during the high knees. But I felt sooooo good afterwards. I still haven’t mastered the sit ups + rotations or the side planks, but I’m getting there. Helllooooooooooo!!!!!!! (calling on the strength of my core).

Yesterday’s meals:

Breakfast: 3 scrambled eggs, 2 carrot sticks, 1 banana, half avocado

Lunch: Cafeteria salad with leftover turkey and half avocado

Dinner: Leftover meatballs and cauliflower fried rice

P.S. I know I’ve lost some weight because my skinny jeans go over my tummy rolls a little bit more, and, quite frankly, the top rolls are a little more difficult to pinch.